January 13, 2016
Once I heard someone saying that what we love, we learn to hate as well. Love and hate are two facets of the same coin. Today, I became a believer.
I am a very enthusiastic person when I start a project and I always do my best to carry everything out. I hate not being able to keep my word to myself first of all and then to the others.
One of my volunteer editors told me one day that my enthusiasm is contagious and that’s why I manage to drag people into achieving my projects and that’s perfectly plausible. I always managed to reach my goals if I tried enough, and if something seemed important to me, of course, I did my best.
However, sometimes you feel like enough is enough and you’d like to throw everything out of the window.
For instance, today, after working hard to prepare the first issue of our literary magazine for over 12 hours, I feel like this project, so dear to me, for which I made lots of efforts, has become my lethal enemy. For the last hour, I’ve been asking myself who pushed me into getting involved in such a highly time-consuming activity.
I can’t even look at my computer anymore – and to think I still have to write my blog and tomorrow I still have to get back to finish the issue for Friday, which would probably mean at least 12 hours more! Not to mention that my chair turned into a torture device, in spite of its plush pillow.
Even Rex is looking at me confused. He knows I spend a lot of time with my computer, as a norm, but today, even his patience has run out, not that he has too much patience to begin with. Even when he expects a treat, after managing with lots of efforts to be good – it doesn’t seem to be in his nature to listen – he takes the required siting position but his front paws stomp as if he were a bad-tempered horse.
Right now, he’s lost the remnants of his patience and he’s just started to jump all over me, without caring that I still do need to write today. I don’t really understand what he wants because it’s been only half an hour since we went out and before that he’s had his dinner. I suppose he got bored as I couldn’t pay enough attention to him today.
I started extremely enthusiastic early in the morning after a fast walk – or better said run, with my dog outside in a freezing morning air. I don’t usually wear gloves – most specifically because no gloves resist more than a day or two. I lose them all the time. At least I am consequent in my habits.
However, it was so cold this morning that I decided to wear a pair of gloves. That simply shocked my dog. In his mind, gloves are just for playing – I can see a glove here and there all the time. I don’t know where he finds them.
However, considering gloves as toys, he tried to snatch them out of my hands, which is not a very pleasant thing. Not always he’s aware that his teeth should stay away of my skin. No worries, though, he didn’t even touch my fingers, but the first meters of our walk were extremely awkward with him jumping up to reach the gloves and steal them.
One thing bothers me though: it’s beyond my understanding why he freezes while walking outside but he never freezes when he runs in the yard.
Probably the pavement is colder than the snow in the yard, I don’t know, however, during the last few days, every walk ends with me snatching up the dog and running with him into the house to warm him up. Thank God, he’s on the small side. Had it been a big dog, I’d be in crutches by now.
However, to understand how dire the circumstances are, I have to tell you I haven’t even dared to go to the kitchen and take something to eat. Not because I couldn’t eat while working, but I don’t want to see the sorry state my kitchen must be in right now, as my daughter was the only one who took care of the food part. She brought me some and it is enough.
Tomorrow evening, when I finish with everything – hopefully, I will have to go and see what’s going on there. I imagine it would be necessary to dedicate a few hours of hard work in the kitchen as well.
Meanwhile, besides taking the mutt out, I don’t get out of my bedroom – I have everything I need in here: en-suite shower, a corner for my desk, the balcony to take air… All in all, it is not such a bad deal.
What troubles me is the fact that I’ve become painfully aware that the time has passed. A few years back, I could work even 72 hours without a break and sleep 12 hours afterwards and feel completely invigorated, ready to start a new work marathon.
Now, I’ve actually been working for about 14 hours, with three breaks to walk the dog, and I feel like a cloth very well wrung and the bed beacons to me with audacity.
That’s the bad side of having the office in one alcove of the bedroom. You can see the bed and it is so inviting sometimes that it makes you feel more tired than before your eyes stole to it.
Anyway, my mind is already mush and nothing special happened today as I was cooped here for hours and hours, and I would be really mean continuing to ramble around and bore you to death.
There’s another day tomorrow. I have another chance to annoy you. I think I’ll take it and say good bye right now.
Born sometime in the past century, living in the 21st century.
Sometimes I have good ideas... (what do you think?)
Sometimes fascinating guests!
(that for sure!)
Sometimes I have to share some of my frustrations,..
(not too tempting, huh!)
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