GRAY DAYS

Hey, there. 

Do you ever have those days when you feel like doing nothing, even though you have tons of things to do? You put them aside, but you can't think of anything else that you'd do instead?  

You tell yourself that big lie: it's the weekend, I shouldn't be working. I should relax, have fun, forget about working for a change. And then, you surf the Internet, looking for something that would lead to that fun thing, and brushing off one thing after another. 

That film is too ridiculous. That video is too stressful. That music you have heard too many times. In the end, you waste the day away without doing anything. You have had no fun; you've done no work. You're zero to zero in everything.

Then you end the day dissatisfied and in a bad mood, cranky that tomorrow is another workday, and you've done nothing to decompress. 

You promise yourself that you won't be doing the same next weekend, but here you are. Repeating the same mistakes all over again. 

I don't know why, but during the weekends, I always wake up earlier than during the week. Probably to feel that I am wasting more hours, just doing nothing. That's a strategy as well, for all I know. Perhaps, I need to feel guilty about something, or nothing works out well.     

Rex did have some fun on Saturday. After snatching the toy I ordered for him for Christmas, he also seized the toy my sister sent to him.  He has never had a noisy toy - I can't stand the mewing, pewing, or screeching that such toys do. My sister said that she took care to choose a quiet one. She was mistaken or just wanted to have fun with my nerves. I suspect the latter. Anyway, every time the toy was making a noise, Rex would howl and start shaking it. I thought of taking it away because he was furious, but he didn't want to give it up. Clearly, my little boy needed to win the fight. He imagined that winning meant that the toy would stop talking back. Well, I can assure you that this is one sturdy toy. It's been over twenty-four hours, and the fight is still on.  

On Saturday, I did not do much besides arbitrating between the dog and the toy. 
Today, once more, I had to take a Scottish shower. Someone came to fix the central heating on Friday - twice. They came again on Saturday - only once, though. I understand that they need to return on Monday. I still hope to have the chance to remember how it feels to take a hot shower. The memory has become a little fuzzy, I must admit. However, not remembering having a hot shower might not be a problem, but my amygdala and neck had taken a severe beating. They don't want to let me sleep.   

There was no drizzle outside after a few rainy days, which prompted Rex to make up for the lost time. He barked like crazy and drove me out of my mind. I am pretty sure that my neighbours wanted to strangle him and me simultaneously. Even right now, he is out there, freezing his little paws off and barking his head off. 

Sometime in the afternoon, I decided to order a soup, feeling too lazy to make something myself. The soup came. It looked good - as much as I could see through the plastic film wrapped on the top. I don't know whose idea was that sealing thing. It was not like it could keep the soup hot. I can vouch for that.  And besides, half the soup had spilled all over the kitchen counter by the time I managed to peel that film off. It smelt good, so I decided to take a sip before starting cleaning. I knew the soup would get colder by then, and it did. 

I ate the remaining half of the soup and called it lunch. I will have to be inventive for dinner. I don't wish to order anything else after the big lunch disappointment. And because I am still keeping the score, another zero to zero this weekend for me. 

Now, I will ponder a bit and start working on something. Doing nothing is too tiring, and I am sick of being lazy today.  

For the last few days, I have been thinking of writing two short stories for Christmas: one for McNamara's Christmas and the other for Ian's, the guy from Catching Lily.  Well, it is just a thought, but I would love to make it happen. I need only a bit of willpower. However, that's in short supply around here. We'll see if I can mobilize and do it. Until then.... see you.